What do you do when you find yourself in love with your best friend?
If Destroyed, Still True
What do you do when you find yourself in love with your best friend?I am shackled and caged in this most unfortunate of situations.
I am your neighbor with the impenetrable white fence between our yards.
We lay in bed and our minds split up like misguided teens in a horror film. While my mind strays towards the possibility of a romance so taboo that it can only lead the highest transecdance of passion and fire, you think how lucky you are to be in the company of such a loyal companion.
I want to grab your face, look you in the eyes, and kiss your lips with sort of embrace only your most memorable lover could achieve. I long for a night where alcohol strips us of our reservations and we let nature take its course.
I often lay there at night pondering the very question that haunts my mind like a phantom; Do you feel the same? Can you? Your uncharted waters offer the danger of a friendship lost, but I cannot seem to care. A bite of your fruit outweighs the poison that will consume the relationship we have built for many years.
I often catch my eyes lingering upon you in conversation when our group congregates at seedy bars, where the only entertainment lies in the company we arrive with. After your turn passes in our discussion, I am left behind watching the remnants of the words you spoke disintegrate as the lips that crafted them close shut. Your gaze is directed to the new speaker, which leaves me with a small window to reflect upon your beauty. I observe the lines in your face that show the life you have lived up until this moment. The lines that formed from smiling and sadness join in harmony and as you wear the joy and sorrow of past lovers like a mask that proudly says, "I regret nothing." Even when you smile though, I can see the hint of sadness that channels your broken past. There is no mystery to me of what hardships you have faced. My shoulder was often the dry fields that your rain nourished. I could not stand the pain of you crying over him, but any opportunity to embrace you negated all my reservations as I drifted into the illusion of a future "us".
But no such retribution will be bestowed upon me without a courageous and valiant act of defiance towards our prolonged camaraderie. An act that breaks the shackles of personal space and encompasses the years of longing that lead to my most defining moment. But then therein lies the "what ifs." The weights that drowns my desires to make you mine. Surely I cannot afford to lose you but at what price? To stay in this limbo without a trial or judgment.
Maybe the chance of climbing to heaven is worth the risk of falling to hell.
I can't say for sure, guess I'll just have to try.
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